Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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