you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
