I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How does one acquire holy water?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
