Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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