Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
