my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
