He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
