We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
