I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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