The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
