I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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