He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
