I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
