Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
