At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I understand Curling. That high.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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