my vag is so smooth its legendary
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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