oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
