I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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