You really coming over, don't trick.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
youre lurking in front of me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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