I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize