call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
