I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
