I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
