forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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