I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
