I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
