and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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