so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
