Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
