...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
