I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have aggressive nipples.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
