$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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