i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
