Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
