being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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