so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
