Your dad touched me again.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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