Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He better not be in your backpack
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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