i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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