whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize