if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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