based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
