i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
