I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
