He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
