New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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