Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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