the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
