you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize