i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i think i just lost a toe
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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