I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
