the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
