she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
