I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
