dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
