I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
