4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
