her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
