you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
