Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
