im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
