did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
