My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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