her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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