end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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