i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
