I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
