id be glad to
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize