yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize