Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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