After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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