Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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