I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
