HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
